Whining, the Art
Whining has been getting a bad rap lately. I'm here to defend it's honor.
Read the rest of this entry ... (946 words left)
Rambling Off Course - I do a lot of this. Start off on one subject, and jump tracks a few times, and end on another subject. Easier to follow when reading, not so easy listening, or worse yet, being in conversation with... Oh Well, part of my "Charm" ...
2008/2/2
2008/2/1
Starbuck's Travler
I noticed him as I parked in front of the Starbucks around the corner from work one day. I had craved a caffeine fix and stopped by on my lunch hour. He seemed so out of place, I just sat and watched him for a minute, almost ashamed at my interest.
Read the rest of this entry ... (1255 words left)
2008/1/31
Society's Shortcoming ....
Parenting in today’s society is extremely stressful. We are always second guessing ourselves, and do what we can according to our own understanding of the need. This is very difficult to do, especially with teens, because either they don’t know themselves, or are being rebellious and not communicating with us.
Read the rest of this entry ... (619 words left)
2008/1/26
Unbalanced and off-kilter, that's me!
I slept until 11:00 AM! Wow...almost 12 hours. I don't think I've done that, not counting sick, since BFK (before kids). I stumbled into the computer room and took over chair from hubby=man who just woke up too. It's closer than the livingroom, and he was nice enough to vacate the chair. So here I sit, bleary-eyed, writing, waiting for the coffee to be brewed. Hehe, brought to mind the little jingle, "here I sit broken hearted, tried to" ... well, you got it.. And so did I! A nice hot, first cup of the day, cuppa coffee! It appeared, just like magic! Brought by a little Genie.... dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but hey, I'm not going to quibble.
I found a great site on the puter. Jango.com. It's individualized radio. I get to pull all my favorite artists onto one site and listen to them whenever I want! How way cool is that? Santana, Jack Johnson, Marvin Gaye, Leonard Cohen, KT Tunstall, Smashing Pumpkins, Smashmouth, Todd Snider and The Monkees, just to name a few, all in one spot! As you can tell I have a very ecliptic taste in music. I love music. It can make me happy when I am sad, or angry, or give me energy when I'm tired. I get the love of music from my Mom and Dad. Sunday afternoons the house would be filled with the sound of either the radio or record player playing anything from classic, Joan Baez, Buffy St Marie, Cohen, Dylan to Arlo. Everyone would be in good moods, all the weekend chores would be over and done with and it was resting, relaxing and talking.
We would have the best talks. About politics, religion, social issues, books.... stuff that mattered... and the laughter... my parents had the best sense of humor.... they would get to going, and we would laugh until our sides hurt. I remember many a dinner where I would bust out laughing and snort/spit milk out all over the table if my timing of drink and their punchline was off. Which, unfortunately for the rest of the table, was often.
I am so glad this week is now over. It has been very unsettling. Somehow, the rhythm was off. I don't know how to explain it. I am a very instinctual person. I react according to the patterns or rhythms around me. This is why it's hard for me in crowds. There are so many different 'nuance's' I get emotionally spent. This week has been like that. At home and work. Hubby=man is going though some internal stuff he isn't sharing ( he's a man, he dunt need to share/express worries, he has broad shoulders ya know). All I can say is, hahahahha, don't think so. It will come out, give him a day and a couple glasses of wine, I'll get him to talk. And then at work, either they loved me, or I pissed them off because I have a bad habit of pointing out "the emperor has no clothes" and they don't like it when that blaring truth is verbalized. So I walked around off balanced.
Then I stayed late (on a FRIDAY even) because I FINALLY got a window office. I get to see sunshine, and the changing light... and over the trees/houses/building line at the sky for as far as my eyes can see, I'm on the 7th floor. I could have had a window office for a while now, but I've been waiting for the right view. And now I have it. But it took me 30 minutes or so to clean the desk. People are nasty! Spilled things not cleaned up, stains in drawers that papers have covered for who knows how long... ewwwww gross! Happened the last move too. It was into an office by someone who used to go around talking about how nasty 'other' peoples offices were. Her office was nasty! I don't think she ever cleaned off her desk. And inside? Hair, what I hoped was pepper, dust, skin particles, I don't know, it was just nasty. A fine one she was to talk. My mean side wanted to buy a bunch of cleaning products for her and wrap them up in a cutesy basket, but she's "little Miss Thang" and I would have to maintain the mean side for too long it would have been exhausting. She would have deserved it the way she goes around making fun of and talking bad about people. And she has a following of little "No Brainers" who think she is "Little Ms Thang". How do people do that?
How did I get off on that? "Whatever" .....
I've been up a couple hours now. I am being bad... talked hubby=man into getting the chores all done so we can relax the rest of the weekend.... then when he wasn't looking, sneaked back here.... I am being uncharacteristically irresponsible today.... sometimes you just need a day off. It must have been the sleeping late. Threw off my whole rhythm... hehe, it's my story and I'll stick to it. Think I'll be lazy today.
That's me... Ramblin Rosey
2008/1/24
Time for a Poesy
this is not the way I had envisioned my life was going to be. coming to terms with the reality when the dreaming is quickly coming to an end is sometimes too hard to comprehend. my mind still wanders to the possibilities, only to remember, the possibilities are no longer valid. but that doesn't stop the yearning. when you've created the space in your heart for the things you want the most, how do you fill it when the thoughts you hold so dear will never fill it full enough? the years have come and gone, in this life I've plugged along, letting life guide me where it has, instead of leading it where I wanted to be. fear, uncertainty, lack of planning, not knowing, these have all been my obstacles, my stumbling blocks, my inadequacies. if only I had learned sooner, if you want it, expect it, don't wait to be offered it, accept it as yours from the beginning. that is one of the lessons I wish I had perfected earlier on.
Read the rest of this entry ... (250 words left)
2008/1/23
Achieving Miracles
We watched "We Are Marshall" this morning. It was a good, very sad movie about the 76 people, including all but 3 of the whole football team and managers from Marshall University in Virginia in 1970. There was a scene where the new team won the first game the following year. Wow, I start to cry again. But what I brought away from it was I know in my heart, the previous team was there in spirit, helping them, bringing the vibration level up. Which got me to thinking.
When we are really and truly open, our hearts can only reach this state when emotions are at their highest, really truly open to receive and believe in the higher power, this is the place where miracles are conceived. I'm not talking about a silly football team winning. In this instance I'm talking about they were so sad they sucked so bad. They so wanted to honor the players, sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, husbands and wives who died... to bring a healing to the small town who had lost so much. A town where shadows come and go but the sun never shined anymore... they so wanted to give them something positive to hold onto. It was an honoring. That's where their high emotion opened up the heart to believe and receive.
Other instances are praying for the health of a loved one. This emotional state allows you to open up your heart enough to believe and receive and this creates miracles. This would almost be the only way. We can pray for crops, new jobs, better finances etc., but in our hearts we know these are passing occurrences... but matters of the heart, these create the strongest emotions, and somewhere in our psyche, we know the other blessings we try to achieve, are but shadows of the real intent.
I'm not expressing myself well here. But you know what I mean?
2008/1/22
Everyone is back where they belong...
OK, so everyone is home in their own beds now. I went to the Pediatrician visit yesterday with both children. I was asked by my daughter to go. I thought it was to bring up her concerns or to back her up if they didn't take her seriously. I realized once I was there, it was to bring the concerns up, have her deny they were her concerns, but listen attitentively to the Drs responses. I played "over protective Grandma" to her "hip together Mom", which is OK. If it gave her piece of mind, I'll play along. At least I got the 7 yr old back home once the Dr said she wasn't contagious.
Now the little family is all together again. I went by after the Dr appt and helped the 7yr old clean up her room. Brother. I made her promise to never let it get that bad again, or I will personally go in and strip it down to the bare walls. She smiled, hugged me and promised. She has my number, the little bugger.
Also gave me the chance to reinforce some important parenting skills with my daughter. She is always correcting the 7yr old's wording to help her say things nicer, if not more acceptable. I got to say, "You know how you are always correcting Flower's words? I know you can say it to make it less critical, therefore getting a more receptive response." She gave me a dirty look, but did it, hehehe.
Then when she said something, which appeared dismissive because she didn't use eye contact when said, I got to make the eye contact motion to her and watch her correct herself. WooHoo. Twice in one visit and I didn't get my head chewed off. AND got a hug when I left.
"Flower" got to watch her little sister sleep. And stretch that darling little newborn stretch when being changed. She got to talk to her without a mask on. The light in her eyes..... she rocks my world. I am so in-love with that fair hair, blue eyed little pixie of a child.
I came home and just vegged for the rest of the day. Didn't hardly budge from my recliner, even when hubby-man came home. Didn't cook dinner, didn't clean up. Just vegged. Amazing how much energy I have when there is activity in the house. How quiet it is when she's not there.
Hmmmm.
2008/1/20
Drugged or not?
Well, it's been a life time since I last wrote. It feels like it anyway. I have a new G'baby who's had a devil of a time! And her sister who's had to stay away from her, and away from her Mom, because she has had a cold.
I've been trying to fill in where I can, but I am sure it isn't the same. And Mom has had hormonal super surges that can make ME want to hide. Poor Ist daughter, 7 yrs old and she is convinced her Mom hates her. But she is still so excited about her Baby Sister she hasn't been able to be around.
First new Baby had to be re-admitted into the hosp because she wasn't waking up right. She was slightly jaundiced, but other than that they don't know why. The fact that Mom's Dr. hadn't taken her off of NARCOTICS, and she is breastfeeding, seems to have nothing to do with it.... come one, lets use logic... if a nursing mother can't eat chocolate nor onions because it comes through to the baby, what in the F*** makes them think NARCOTICS doesn't???? I think the poor little baby was drugged. Will anyone admit to it? No. Doesn't take a rocket scientist....
She was kept for 4 days, on an IV. Within the first 8 hours there was marked improvement. All they did was start her on antibiotics (and Mom stopped the pain meds). If it were an infection, 8 hrs wouldn't show that much improvement. And after they had pricked and prodded that little 4 day old baby, they wanted a spinal tap to check for meningitis. First Dr tried twice, couldn't do it. Call another Dr., he tried twice couldn't do it. Called in an EXPERT and he tried and couldn't do it. Scheduled another try in 24 hrs. We counted eight needle marks on that baby's back. Eight. They not only lied to us, they wanted to prick her some more. I have never had the procedure done to me, but my understanding is, it hurts like a mother. This baby was 4 days old. This was supposed to be a model hospital. New Mom told them they weren't going to try again. The Dr. put a guilt trip you wouldn't believe on her poor heart. "We'll just have to keep her for 24 days hooked up to the IV and treat it as if it were Spinal Meningitis if you don't!". Now, this is a day later. She is eating fine. Waking up to play. Tired, but understandably so.
In my opinion, they were no more aware they were treating a human being than a wooden post. Everytime she was examined, it was a different Dr. How would they be able to judge anything about her? Did they keep her for 24 days? No. Was it a ploy for more intrusive medical procedures to rack up their bill? Or was it not necessary? All the other tests came back good. Or did the insurance company refuse the additional tests? AND, when new Mom asked for the names of all the Drs who had treated her, she was told she would need to go the Hall of Records to get that information. Give me a break.
Now New Mom and New Dad are paranoid something really is wrong with their precious new family member. New Mom called me over at 11:30 the other night to check her breathing. Is it too rapid? too shallow? Raspy? Could it be Wet Lung? Or this could also be a symptom of Spinal Meningitis too..... They are so traumatized. What I believe she wanted was reassurance and faith that everything would be fine.
New Big Sister feels like a leper because she can't come out of her room, and when she does she's met with sharp commands to go back and stop breathing in the livingroom, kitchen, etc. because she might contaminate the air and make her Baby Sister sick.
So much for the happy home coming. The formation and bonding of a new family. I am so angry for them, I could spit nails. Hopefully in a week or two, the joy can start. I'm praying it will.
2008/1/8
So I skipped ....
Well, my promise to sit and write something every day lasted two whole days! But I can be excused ... I am now the brand new Nana to a beautiful little Girl. Which I missed being born.... Pisses me off, but am going to put it behind me... trying....
Read the rest of this entry ... (381 words left)
2008/1/6
Another Sunday
Well, Here I am. I am making the time to sit and write. Not so much a hardship for me. I love to write (and procrastinate). Have always loved to write (and procrastinate). I love words. I get it from my Mother who is a fantastic writer. Both my children are fantastic writers. As they mature, I read their words and am amazed. I look for hints that they copied and pasted. But there are words and phrases and ways of describing things that have their finger prints. So I stick to amazed that they have developed into who they are "despite" me.
Read the rest of this entry ... (808 words left)
